


handmade (for somebody like me)

by vokdas



Category: N.Flying (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, everyone is a little ooc here sorry, i don’t know if i was going for angst or fluff, mentions of other idols but they’re super brief so, there’s a tiny try guys reference in there sorry, this took me way too long to write please help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vokdas/pseuds/vokdas
Summary: Maybe Jaehyun is too in love for his own good.





	handmade (for somebody like me)

Out of everyone in the band, Hun takes the longest to get close to, but Jaehyun thinks it’s worth it.

He’s got Hun lying next to him in his too-cramped bed, one hand loosely intertwined with his, chest rising and falling with all the evenness of sleep. His hair is splayed haphazardly across the pillow, the corner of his lips turned up in the smallest of smiles. Maybe the world is missing out by not getting to see it, but there’s a little part of Jaehyun that’s glad he’s the only one who gets to see Hun like this, and his heart feels a little fuzzy in all the best ways. That seems to happen a lot, when Hun’s around.

It’s such a little thing, the closeness and intimacy of it all, and yet it makes Jaehyun feel like the luckiest man in the world. Jaehyun thinks that’s not as nonsensical as it sounds, because it’s taken so long to get Hun as comfortable with any of them as he is now that through it Jaehyun has learned to appreciate the little things.

When it comes to Hun, though, there are a lot of little things. Jaehyun has come to realize that there are too many of them for him to discover in their entirely in one lifetime, but he’s willing to spend the rest of his life learning, even though he knows they’d never work. There’s a multitude of reasons for that, too: the close-mindedness of South Korea, the restrictions set on them by their contracts with FNC, even just the fact that they’re so different – that Jaehyun is loud and silly and occasionally obnoxious, and Hun is, well. Hun is not.

Hun’s not shy – never has been, because on his best days he talks nearly as much as Jaehyun does – but he’s been taught to repress his emotions and to keep his thoughts to himself. The rest of them hadn’t quite understood when they’d asked and he’d tried to explain it to them, but Jaehyun has been around long enough to get it, now: Hun has let himself fall in love with too many people who have taken and taken and never given anything back, and by now it’s taken its toll.

Jaehyun wishes he could go back in time and save Hun all the pain and misery he’s gone through, but there’s nothing he can do about that. He supposes he’ll have to settle for pulling him through the recovery process, because that’s about all he can do as his friend. That’s what Seunghyub says, anyway – and, yeah. He can do that.

He can try.

“Stop thinking,” Hun mumbles into the sheets, his voice muffled. “I can hear you.”

“Sorry.” Jaehyun leans over to kiss the tip of Hun’s nose, which scrunches up almost immediately while his lips take on the beginnings of a pout. Jaehyun tries – fails – to hide his grin. “Didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Hun hums in acknowledgement. “Is the movie over?”

They’d been watching a movie before Hun had fallen asleep. Hun had been watching the movie, at least. Jaehyun had been watching Hun. “Yeah. It ended about an hour ago.”

He doesn’t mention how he’d let the credits roll all the way through to put off waking Hun up after the movie ended, and then, when it did, how he’d decided not to wake him up anyway in favor of watching him sleep. Kwangjin’s always said that some things are better left unsaid; Jaehyun figures this is one of those things.

“Oh,” Hun says.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Jaehyun asks, squeezing his hand.

Hun cracks open one eye, looking at him, then closes it. “Whatever you want,” he says easily, curling up closer to Jaehyun. “Are you tired?”

Jaehyun isn’t, but he knows Hun is, so he fakes a yawn and nods. Hun takes all of about thirty seconds to fall asleep again, and Jaehyun is unable to hold back the smile that spreads over his face as he pulls him closer to his chest.

Friends, he reminds himself. They’re just friends.

—

They don’t feel like just friends when Hun turns and catches his eye in the middle of their show, grinning as Hweseung belts the chorus of their title track. The guitarist’s shirt is sweat-soaked and his hair is a complete mess with the amount of headbanging he’s been doing, and yet none of it matters because even from halfway across the stage Jaehyun can see just how brightly his eyes are shining, and somehow he’s never been so beautiful. He looks, in that moment, so splendidly alive.

The steady beat of Jaehyun’s drumming falters the slightest bit, right along with the beat his heart skips, right as he feels something swell in his chest like the warmth of Hun pressed against him all those times the older boy has snuck into his bed and stayed the night. Jaehyun recovers smoothly from his mistake as Seunghyub’s rap verse begins and he switches to a different rhythm, but he doesn’t miss the short laugh that Hun lets out, facing away from his microphone. Jaehyun grins back, shrugging at him as if to plead guilty as charged. It’s no use trying to hide anything from Hun.

Kwangjin is flirting with the camera, winking and smirking like the Casanova he is. Jaehyun will never understand where he gets all his stage presence from, or how Seunghyub and Hweseung seem to pull endless amounts of energy from out of nowhere once they get on stage, or – perhaps most importantly – how Hun seems to flourish so beautifully under the lights the way no one else does.

Jaehyun has ever been in love before, but he’s certain this is it. There is no other boy whose eyes he could wax poetic about, no other boy whose voice he could listen to for hours at a time, no other boy who he would follow to the ends of the earth. There is no boy like Hun.

Jaehyun is okay with that, somehow.

—

Some days are still harder than others, try as he might to ignore them. Hun sometimes reverts to the quiet, anxiety-ridden person he’d been before, and while it’s gotten better since Hweseung’s addition to the band, none of them have ever really learned how to console him when he gets like this. Jaehyun is still learning.

It usually starts with Hun sleeping in past noon. He’s usually one of the early risers of the group, since he likes making them breakfast, so this morning when Jaehyun comes downstairs to find Kwangjin and Hweseung eating scrambled eggs with grim expressions on their faces, his stomach drops.

“Hun’s still asleep?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Hweseung says. “Seunghyub hyung left fifteen minutes ago to buy peaches, just in case. He’ll probably be back soon.”

“Peaches?” Jaehyun repeats, a little lost.

“Comfort food,” Kwangjin says. “Peaches always make Hun feel better.”

Jaehyun knew that. “Oh. Right.”

He goes to get a granola bar for himself, wondering what’s happened. Maybe Hun had had a hard time with their last show, or maybe he’d read the comments under their YouTube videos and seen something he hadn’t liked. Jaehyun can’t imagine what could have gone wrong.

The clouds drift outside, slow and steady – the kind of movement that’s easy to miss if you focus too hard, although Jaehyun’s never been one to focus much anyway. Jaehyun watches through the window as Kwangjin and Hweseung lapse back into silence.

Seunghyub gets home before Jaehyun’s done eating, and he frowns when he sees only three of them in the kitchen. He sets the bag of peaches down on the counter. “He’s still asleep?”

They all nod. Seunghyub runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“Jaehyun, can you go wake him up?” he asks. “I’m going to wash the peaches. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Hweseung and Kwangjin’s eyes switch over to Jaehyun. His stomach flips; at this point he thinks it might as well go into acrobatics.

“Okay,” he says anyway, getting up. Seunghyub gives him a thankful nod and goes to get the food.

The lights are off in Hun’s room when Jaehyun walks in, but the windows are half open like Hun had forgotten to close them last night, or just hadn’t cared enough to. Jaehyun carefully walks over, making just enough noise to make his presence known so that he doesn’t startle Hun.

“Hun?” he asks uncertainly, placing a hand on the Hun-shaped lump on the bed. “Uh. Are you awake?”

From somewhere within the pile Hun makes a little noise of acknowledgement, although there’s the easily recognizable undertone of distress that doesn’t quite get lost in translation. Jaehyun’s heart aches for him, but the words he knows should come easily don’t. Hun has always left him so tongue-tied, although, like now, it’s not always in the desired way.

Jaehyun hears the telltale thumps of footsteps up the stairs, and half a minute later Seunghyub is entering the room. The bowl of peaches he’s brought is immediately set onto Hun’s desk.

“Hun, is everything okay?” he asks. Jaehyun is mentally taking notes on what he’s doing differently – on how his voice is firmer, calmer, and how he keeps his distance. Hun makes that same sound again, but Seunghyub doesn’t even flinch. “Can you come out from under the blankets, please?”

For a second Jaehyun thinks Hun isn’t going to do it, but then he’s crawling out from the blankets he’s cocooned himself in, hair totally mussed and eyes red-rimmed. Jaehyun tries his hardest to hold the splitting halves of his heart together.

“Can you be honest with me?” Seunghyub asks Hun. He sounds totally calm, somehow, and Jaehyun is only just realizing how little he knows about practical application of his skills as an actor; that’s yet another thing he can learn from Seunghyub. Hun nods tentatively, although he doesn’t make eye contact with either of them. “Did we do something that upset you?”

Hun shakes his head quickly, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. Jaehyun gives in to the temptation to reach out and pull him into his lap, and Hun lets himself be maneuvered into his hold. Seunghyub looks relieved.

“Okay,” he says. “Do you feel up to talking about it?”

Jaehyun lets his hand make his way to Hun’s hair as the older boy hesitates. “We can talk later instead if you want,” he tries, and when he looks up for approval Seunghyub gives him a tiny nod. “It, uh, doesn’t have to be right now,” he adds, confidence restored.

Outside, through the window, the clouds are still shifting. The sky is a horribly vivid blue today, as if it’s mocking them, although Jaehyun knows that’s ridiculous. He feels Hun nod a little against his chest. “I can – we can talk about it now,” he says. His voice is hoarse, although whether it’s from disuse or crying Jaehyun can’t tell.

“Are you sure?” Seunghyub asks.

Hun nods again. Jaehyun figures they should talk before he changes his mind.

“Alright,” Seunghyub says. “Alright, that’s good. Really good. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

Jaehyun probably would have started with asking what happened, but Seunghyub has always been better at this. Hun gives a little shrug. “Not too bad, I think,” he says, although he sounds a little unsure. Jaehyun’s brows furrow. “I’ve been worse.”

“Did something happen?” Seunghyub asks.

Hun shakes his head; his hand reaches out for Jaehyun’s, and the drummer lets him clutch it despite the almost painfully tight grip. “No, I just – started thinking. I don’t know.”

Seunghyub doesn’t ask him to elaborate – doesn’t have to, because they all already know what that means. Hun has a tendency to wear away his own self-esteem and tear himself down, and after how long the group’s been together they’ve learned that there’s nothing they can do about it save for sticking by him and letting him know he’s loved.

“Peaches?” Seunghyub offers, getting up to get the bowl before Hun even nods. He seems to be thinking the same thing as Jaehyun, that whatever they say to Hun isn’t going to make a difference, although if he’s got the same creeping hopelessness in the pit of his stomach as Jaehyun does, there’s no hint of it on his face when he hands Hun the bowl of peaches. Jaehyun is glad Hun’s not facing him, because his emotions are always naturally written all over his face.

Jaehyun glances up out the window to catch the clouds shifting again. Hun bites into a peach, and Seunghyub takes one too, smiling softly at him.

They’re going to be okay.

—

When Hweseung had first joined the group, Hun had been the most apprehensive. Jaehyun had complained about losing his spot as maknae and Seunghyub and Kwangjin had stressed over the change in the group dynamic, but Hun had worried endlessly over if Hweseung was going to be nice and whether Hweseung was going to like him, and, still, what Hweseung was going to want to eat.

Of course, they’d all made a bigger deal out of it than it needed to me. Hweseung is as sweet as candy, has so much affection for all of them, and is the least picky eater even Hun could have asked for. He’d immediately latched onto Seunghyub, but it’s blatantly obvious to Jaehyun how much of an effect he’s had on Hun, too; the guitarist smiles more genuinely now, laughs more often. Hweseung had been the missing puzzle piece, although none of them had had any idea.

These days Jaehyun tends to watch from the sidelines – or, more accurately, the other end of the dinner table – as Hun feeds Hweseung, laughing and joking all the while. For a drummer so adept with rhythm he’s become impressively incapable of controlling the beating of his own heart, and if Kwangjin’s pointed glances are any indication, he’s not being particularly subtle about it.

“You should just tell him,” the bassist says casually one day as they eat. Hun is in the kitchen cooking and Hweseung had tagged along, but Seunghyub, who’s sitting at the table with them, nods emphatically. With the way Kwangjin’s gaze is locked on him, there’s no way for him to get out of this conversation.

“Tell who what?” Jaehyun asks, trying to feign obliviousness.

Seunghyub snorts at his feeble attempt. “Nice try,” he says. “You know what we’re talking about.”

“No I don’t – ”

“For God’s sake, Jaehyun, just tell Hun you like him,” Kwangjin says, exasperated. Jaehyun gives up on pretending. “You’re pretty much married already.”

“No we’re not,” Jaehyun mumbles.

“You might as well be,” Kwangjin points out.

Seunghyub sets his fork down. “Are you worried about him not liking you back?”

Jaehyun picks at his food. Seunghyub frowns and starts to say something, but right then Hun and Hweseung come back with more food. Hun seats himself next to Jaehyun while Hweseung shoots a questioning glance at Seunghyub, who shakes his head before quickly breaking eye contact. Hweseung looks disappointed, and there goes the lightbulb in Jaehyun’s head – they’d been planning that talk. Seunghyub picks his fork back up and continues eating as Jaehyun glares at him. Maybe he hasn’t been as subtle about his crush as he’s hoped.

—

The reality of the situation, more likely, is that Jaehyun hasn’t been subtle about it at all. His favorite chapstick is peach-flavored and the lotion he keeps on his nightstand is peach-scented; he always lets Hun shower before him whenever they get home late from band practices. He endlessly praises Hun’s cooking, much like Hweseung does, and he teases Hun more than any of the other boys.

In hindsight, he’s probably been blatantly obvious with his feelings, but that’s no surprise. Jaehyun has always worn his heart on his sleeve. Hun, on the other hand, only lets down his guard in its entirety in the comfort of Jaehyun’s room in the late nights they spend together, and out of everything perhaps that is what makes Jaehyun the luckiest man in the world.

Tonight, one of said nights, Jaehyun is just drifting off when he hears his bedroom door open and close with a low creak; in the silence he can hear the dull thuds of Hun’s footfalls as he makes his way over to the bed, and Jaehyun feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips. There’s a moment of obvious hesitation before Hun taps him on the shoulder.

“Are you still up?” Hun whispers.

“No,” Jaehyun whispers back.

Hun grins halfheartedly at him and slips into the bed without asking; Jaehyun scoots to make room for him, which proves to be counterproductive, because Hun curls right into him anyway. Jaehyun wonders if, with how close they are, Hun can feel how his heart is racing. He hopes not.

“Hey Jaehyun,” Hun whispers.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think our band will stay together?”

Jaehyun’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” Hun isn’t looking at him, and Jaehyun realizes that this is the real reason he’s come over tonight. “I’m just – you guys could have a better guitarist, I guess. Maybe that’s why we’re not that popular. It’d be fine if you guys ever wanted to replace me, you know, I’m – ”

“Hun?” Jaehyun interrupts.

Even in the dim lighting, Jaehyun can see overwhelming vulnerability painted over Hun’s face. “Yes?”

“Shut up,” Jaehyun says.

Hun’s frown breaks into a grin, and then he’s giggling, burying his face in Jaehyun’s chest. Seunghyub probably would have tried a more comforting approach, Jaehyun thinks, but he supposes this method works too. At least Hun is laughing.

“You’re right, I’m being stupid,” Hun whispers. He pulls away and intertwines his fingers with Jaehyun’s. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jaehyun tells him.

Hun stares at him for a second, almost scrutinizing, before a soft smile spreads over his face. “Thank you,” Hun says. He leans forward and gives Jaehyun a quick peck on the cheek, and when he pulls back his face is flushed a pretty pink.

Maybe Jaehyun is too in love for his own good.

—

Performing “Lonely” is drastically different with Hweseung than without, but sometimes they let Hun keep his couple of lines in the prechorus. Hun has such a sweet voice, and coupled with the soft lilt of the English lyrics, it’s one of Jaehyun’s favorite things in the world.

He’s not exactly being discreet, either, if the pointed looks Kwangjin sends his way mean anything. Seunghyub is too busy rapping to notice anything out of the ordinary, but Hweseung rolls his eyes when Hun starts singing, so Jaehyun figures he must have some dopey expression on his face. He quickly schools it into a straight face right as Hun finishes his lines and turns to wink at him. Jaehyun’s cheeks are burning.

Jaehyun suddenly realizes how much bolder Hun has gotten over time. At first it had only been the smiles sent his way when they were performing, but that had evolved into excessive skinship during VLIVEs, and eventually Jaehyun had found an extra toothbrush in the upstairs bathroom that usually only he and Kwangjin used, which hadn’t made any sense until Hun walked out of that bathroom that night and straight to Jaehyun’s room to sleep. Kwangjin hadn’t said anything, if he’d noticed, but he’d sent his share of knowing glances all the same.

It’s all in the little things, always in the little things, and from all of them Jaehyun has learned that Hun is surprisingly unpredictable. At the top of the list is when Jaehyun was in the shower and the curtain had been pulled back while he was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair –

“Jaehyun, where’d you – stop screaming, it’s just me – where’d you leave the keys?” Hun had asked.

“Cha Hun, I’m showering!” Jaehyun had screamed, yanking the curtain closed again. He’d been surprised he hadn’t heard Hun open the door – and hadn’t he locked the door, anyway? Of course he had, he always locks the bathroom door; Hun must have picked the lock. Of course he had.

Presently the song switches to “Hot Potato”, and while Seunghyub and Hweseung immediately start jumping around like lunatics, Jaehyun sneaks another glance at Hun. There are so many things on the tip of his tongue – things like _you’re beautiful_ , like _you’re incredible_ , like _I think I’m in love with you_ – but he says nothing. It’s almost unfortunate how he’s making a habit of it, because even in the darkest of nights when he lays himself bare in front of Hun, Jaehyun says nothing.

—

Hun has a ridiculously high tolerance for alcohol, which makes it a huge surprise when Jaehyun and Kwangjin come home to find him totally wasted. He’s draped over over the couch in the living room, sobbing into the armrest, while Hweseung is passed out beside him. Kwangjin mutters, “Oh God,” and goes to pick up Hweseung to carry him to his room.

Jaehyun sits down next to Hun, taking the drink out of his hand and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Hun, what’s wrong?” he asks.

Hun hiccups, twisting and squirming until he can bury his face in the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. He doesn’t say anything for a good while, just cries, and a quick glance at the table in the middle of the room reveals just how much Hun and Hweseung have drunk tonight. Jaehyun doesn’t know whether he should be alarmed at the number of empty bottles, since he knows Hun had probably done most of the drinking.

It’s a while before Hun’s cries quell at all, and Jaehyun holds him tight to his chest. His heart keeps twisting uncomfortably in his chest, squeezing so that he can feel it about to burst as Hun clutches at the front of his shirt like he’ll fall apart if he doesn’t. With how hard he’s crying, Jaehyun thinks he just might.

“Did something happen?” Jaehyun asks once Hun is only sniffling into his shirt. He’ll try Seunghyub’s approach tonight; if it doesn’t work, he’ll either come up with his own or give up. The latter seems way more likely, considering Jaehyun has no idea what he’s doing.

“No, nothing,” Hun says, his words running together a bit but not enough for Jaehyun to seriously worry. “I’m just tired, Jaehyunie.”

Jaehyun frowns. “Have you not been sleeping well?”

“Not that kind of tired.”

“Oh.”

Hun sniffles, and Jaehyun waits. It feels like he’s been waiting for forever. “What’s wrong with me?” he asks finally.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jaehyun says.

“There is,” Hun insists, eyes welling up with tears again. Jaehyun’s hand moves to play with his hair as his lower lip trembles. “That’s what – they told me I was too fucked up, and that’s why they couldn’t love me. Everything is wrong with me, Jaehyunie.”

Jaehyun won’t try to fight that, because he knows he’ll only make it worse. Instead he kisses Hun’s forehead and murmurs, “You’re drunk, you’ll feel better tomorrow,” pulling him even closer to his chest. Hun is still trembling, but he seems to have run out of tears by now.

The lights flicker on in the hallway, and Jaehyun looks up to see Seunghyub walking into the living room. He’s obviously been sleeping, because his hair is sticking up ridiculously and he’s rubbing his eyes, but he squints at them anyway. “What are you guys doing out here?” he asks. “It’s one in the morning.”

“Hun was here when I got home,” Jaehyun explains.

Seunghyub frowns. “Hun, I thought I told you and Hweseung to go to bed early and not drink too much tonight,” he chides.

“Sorry,” Hun mumbles, voice muffled against Jaehyun’s chest. Seunghyub’s face softens.

“Has he been crying?” he asks Jaehyun, who nods, and he sighs. “Okay. Honey, where do you want to sleep tonight?”

“Jaehyunie,” Hun says, and Jaehyun’s heart skips a beat. Again. “Wanna sleep with Jaehyunie.”

“Okay,” Seunghyub agrees. “Do you want me to carry you?”

Hun makes a noncommittal noise and clings on tighter to Jaehyun. Seunghyub looks at Jaehyun, who immediately shakes his head.

“Don’t look at me, I have noodle arms and the structural integrity of uncooked pasta,” he says. Hun giggles and Seunghyub snorts.

“I’ll get a blanket, you two can sleep on the couch,” he says. Jaehyun smiles gratefully at him and shifts so that he and Hun are laying down. Hun is asleep before Seunghyub comes back with a blanket, and Jaehyun nods off soon after.

—

After that night, Hun avoids Jaehyun like the plague; it’s only him, too, because the rest of the group aren’t treated any differently than they usually are. Jaehyun isn’t sure what he did or why Hun would be angry with him, but he doesn’t say anything. Maybe Hun just needs his space.

That’s fine until it goes from days to weeks that Hun has been ignoring him, and Jaehyun starts to worry. He asks Seunghyub if he knows anything, but the leader just shakes his head and tells him to talk to Hun. Kwangjin gives him the same response, and Hweseung is just clueless to what’s going on. Jaehyun is terrible at confrontation, so he figures trying to talk to Hun won’t go how he wants it to at all.

He ends up calling all the drummers he can think of to ask for advice. Lee Hajoon has just as much experience with these situations as Jaehyun does, but he tells him to try and talk to Hun anyway, since his bandmates Woosung and Jaehyeong can only ever solve their relationship issues by talking about them. Yoon Dowoon, who’s been dating Kim Wonpil for ages, advises him to wait for Hun to say something first. F.T. Island’s Choi Minhwan doesn’t answer, and as a last resort Jaehyun calls his sister Jaekyung, hoping her vote can act as the tiebreaker, but she just laughs and calls him an pining loser before hanging up.

He knows it’s starting to affect the rest of the band, too; band practices are tense, VLIVEs are awkward, and now Hun has even taken to eating less at dinner so he doesn’t have to sit in the same room as Jaehyun for as long. Jaehyun thinks waiting for Hun to talk to him first might not be the best solution after all.

He decides to try Hajoon’s approach, but his one attempt at confrontation is a complete failure. Hun is finishing up lunch when Jaehyun walks into the kitchen and awkwardly in the doorway. Hun pretends not to see him.

“Hun, can we talk?” Jaehyun asks.

Hun’s hands freeze for a second. His jaw clenches and unclenches, and he reaches forward and turns off the stove. He doesn’t say anything.

“At least tell me why you’re mad at me,” Jaehyun says. “I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Hun reaches up and yanks open the cabinet, pulling out a large white bowl and proceeding to spoon the stew into it. Jaehyun ignores the mildly throbbing pain in his chest.

“Please?” he tries.

He’s not expecting much, so he’s not surprised when Hun turns around and walks out of the kitchen, calling the others to come eat. His heart aches a little; he pretends it doesn’t.

Lee Hajoon is an idiot. Jaehyun should have listened to Dowoon.

—

During entirety of their next show, Hun doesn’t smile at him once. He doesn’t even turn around to look at him, which the others obviously pick up on. Jaehyun hopes the audience doesn’t notice. They’d have a hard time explaining that.

Hweseung takes all of the singing parts when they perform “Lonely” this time around, and Jaehyun thinks that that might just be for the best. He’s not sure he can keep his heart from bursting upon hearing Hun’s voice anymore.

Seunghyub and Hweseung try to make up for the almost palpable tension by being even more excitable than usual, and it seems to work despite how uncharacteristically angry Hun’s guitar playing sounds. Jaehyun knows that his drumming isn’t quite at its best today either, but if anyone else hears it they don’t say anything. At least Kwangjin is good at pretending everything is fine, because he flirts with the camera just as much as he usually does.

Regardless, the show goes on, and if Jaehyun spends the better half of the it hoping Hun would turn back and smile at him just once, he’s wasting his time. And maybe he is, tonight.

Jaehyun hates that, for Hun, he’s still okay with that.

—

Hun does end up coming to him first after all.

He sneaks into Jaehyun’s room late at night, almost two months since he’d started avoiding him, and without saying anything he slips right into his bed. Jaehyun scooches to make room for him; Hun stays a safe distance away.

“Can’t sleep?” Jaehyun asks.

Hun doesn’t answer, only closes his eyes and sighs. Jaehyun’s curtains are drawn, which is a shame, because the moon is full tonight, but Jaehyun is too busy reveling in Hun’s warmth to be very regretful about it.

“I’m sorry,” Hun says finally, staring at the ceiling. Jaehyun looks over at him.

“What?” he asks.

“I said I’m s – ”

“No, no, I heard you,” Jaehyun says. “Just – what? What’re you sorry for? Haven’t you been mad at me?”

Hun looks away, worrying his lower lip with his teeth. “No,” he says, “of course I wasn’t. You didn’t do anything.”

Jaehyun feels a huge weight lift off his shoulders. Hun isn’t angry with him; Hun doesn’t hate him. For something so small, it makes Jaehyun ridiculously relieved.

“So why’d you ignore me?” he asks.

Hun looks over at him, brows furrowing. “You’re not mad at me for it?”

“No,” Jaehyun admits, although he doesn’t mention that it’s because he’s utterly whipped for him and probably wouldn’t ever be able to be mad at him anyway. “Why weren’t you talking to me?”

Hun looks embarrassed. “I, uh. I realized some things.”

“What things?” Jaehyun asks.

“A lot of things.” Hun turns his face away again, refusing to make eye contact. “I didn’t want to tell you, but Seunghyub hyung and Hweseung said I should. So.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Jaehyun says, not sure he understands what Hun is trying to get at. “Just so you know.”

“No, I do, I just – ” Hun cuts himself off, cheeks flushing. “Don’t hate me, okay? I don’t want to mess this up.”

“This?”

“Whatever this thing is that we’ve got going on.”

“Oh.” Jaehyun thinks that’s a pretty accurate way to put it, since he doesn’t really know what they are either. “Yeah, don’t worry. I won’t hate you.”

The blush on Hun’s cheeks becomes a more violent shade of red. Jaehyun’s mind is working a mile a minute, running through scenario after scenario. Maybe Hun has been secretly plotting his murder but had felt too bad to carry it out and is admitting to it now so he can be free of the guilt before he kills him later on, or maybe Hun has been planning to leave the band and looking into culinary arts for new career opportunities, or, worse, maybe Hun has discovered Jaehyun’s massive crush on him and is here to tell him he’s not interested –

“I like you,” Hun says.

Jaehyun blinks at him. “You like me?” he repeats.

“Yeah,” Hun says. “Like, a lot. I want to hold your hand and kiss your cheek and play with your hair and flirt with you on stage and all that. You know what I mean?”

Jaehyun is still reeling. “You like me?” he says again.

Hun frowns. “Are you not okay with it?” he asks. “Have I been reading this wrong? Oh my God, I’m going to kill Seunghyub hyung – ”

“No, you’ve got it right, I want to hold your hand and flirt with you and stuff too,” Jaehyun says dismissively. Hun flushes again. “I just – is that why you avoided me for so long? You were scared I’d, you know, hurt you?”

“No,” Hun says without missing a beat. Jaehyun’s heart warms. “You’re not like – like them. I know you. I trust you.”

Jaehyun reaches out and takes Hun’s hand in his, interlacing their fingers. It’s nice. “Why’d you avoid me, then? If you didn’t think I’d mistreat you?”

“The opposite,” Hun says. Jaehyun squeezes his fingers. “I know you’d never hurt me, Jaehyunie, it’s… I don’t deserve that.”

“That’s what they told you?” Jaehyun asks.

“Yeah.”

“Well, they’re all liars.”

Hun smiles a little. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jaehyun leans over to kiss his forehead. “You deserve the world, Hun.”

He does. Cha Hun has the biggest heart of anyone Jaehyun has ever met, and he’s kind and caring, a gentle soul. He is the light in the darkest days and the warmth when blankets aren’t enough to keep out the cold of the winter nights; he is the strum of the sharp guitar strings that fill the void between the bass and the vocals. To Jaehyun, he is the steady shifting of the clouds outside the window, and he is the steady rise and fall of his chest without having to remind himself to breathe. To Jaehyun, he is everything.

“Thank you,” Hun says, and although he doesn’t specify what for, Jaehyun understands.

“Always,” Jaehyun promises. “Anything, for you.”

Maybe not everything’s perfect, and maybe they have their issues. Jaehyun thinks that’s okay.

They have all the time in the world to work on it.


End file.
